2.2.4.1 Examples of Crossing Boundaries

We need to recognize warning signs when a relationship is becoming unhealthy. This takes self-awareness, as these warning signs show up in ourselves and others.

Here are some common examples of how you could cross a survivor’s personal boundaries with your advocacy:

  1. Telling them that in their situation you would feel a certain way, for example, angry or upset;

  2. Mirroring the survivor’s feelings, for example getting angry when they get angry or getting upset when they get upset;

  3. Over-identifying with the survivor;

  4. Feeling angry or upset at the survivor;

  5. Feeling manipulated by the survivor;

  6. Feeling resentful of the survivor;

  7. Feeling judgmental of the survivor’s decisions;

  8. Blaming the survivor;

  9. Wanting to punish or attack the survivor;

  10. Yelling or raising your voice at the survivor;

  11. Making a choice for the survivor;

  12. Sharing personal details of your life;

  13. Changing the focus from the survivor to yourself;

  14. Trying to be friends with the survivor;

  15. Feeling like no one can help the survivor like you can;

  16. Creating an environment where the survivor is dependent on you;

  17. Feeling sexually attracted to the survivor;

  18. Feeling sexually aroused in response to the survivor’s description of sexual assault;

  19. Pressuring the survivor to share personal contact or other information with you; or

  20. Sharing your personal contact details instead of your general, advocate contact information.

One example of crossing boundaries is wanting to give out your personal contact details. You may think in the moment that you are the only person who can help the survivor and that you could support them better if they could contact you directly rather than contacting your network of advocates or your organization, but this is simply not true.

Another example of crossing boundaries would be to plan to see the survivor outside of your position as a crisis advocate. It’s essential to keep your relationship as an advocate clear, and you cannot do this if you try to create another type of relationship with the survivor. For this reason, it’s important to refer the survivor to other service providers in your network and to guard against the relationship overstepping these boundaries.