2.2.3 Building Assertiveness

As an advocate, you are present with the survivor at the health center so that they can receive the quality services they need. If you are passive in attempting to obtain those services, you will not get what you want to meet the survivor’s needs. However, if you are aggressive, you may anger those who have the resources the survivor needs. When advocating for a survivor’s needs, assertiveness is the best option.

Your cultural context will determine how each of these traits are expressed in your community and in the health center.

As an advocate, sometimes you may have difficulty obtaining services for a survivor or persuading someone to help. If you learn to be assertive, you can often get what you want and still maintain good relationships.

Be prepared: Make sure you know what you want to say, why you want to say it and how you want to say it. You may run into potential obstacles or resistance, so think in advance about how you might handle any challenges that may arise.

Be aware of body language: If you are speaking to someone in person, stand or sit straight but relaxed. Even when speaking on the phone, this posture can help you feel more confident. Face the person you are speaking to with a pleasant but serious facial expression. Keep your voice calm and soft and your eyes focused on the other person.

Use ‘I’ statements: ‘I’ statements are direct and not accusatory like ‘you’ statements can be. Keep the focus on the challenge you are facing rather than on the other person. For example, try, ‘I would like to be able to tell you what the survivor needs’ instead of ‘You are not listening to what I am saying’.

Know the facts and use them to support your case: Avoid judgments or accusations. The person you are speaking to can argue with judgments and accusations, but they can’t argue with facts. For example, say, ‘An hour ago, you told me the survivor would be eligible for free antiretroviral medication’, instead of, ‘Why did you tell me the survivor was eligible for free antiretroviral medication when you know that was not the case?’

Focus on the survivor’s needs: Make sure that you focus on the solution and what the survivor needs. This will help you earn the trust of the other person. Be calm and open, not angry, aggressive or abrasive.

Speak with confidence: In communicating your message, speak clearly, firmly and loudly enough to be easily heard. Use fewer words for more effect, and don’t apologize or make excuses for your position. Support yourself and what you are seeking to accomplish. Project confidence in your role as an advocate.

Listen: Listen carefully to what the other person is saying to you. Listening carefully will be critical in preparing your response. Answer questions and clarify information when asked. Make clear, direct requests. Do not invite the person to say ‘no’.

Do not back down: Stand firm for the survivor’s needs. Negotiate a compromise rather than give in completely. Remember, stick to your goal, and do not allow yourself to become distracted by other issues.